DragonWHAT!
by Coyote and Kitty
Summary: Two mercenaries walk into an inn. No this isn't the beginning of a joke. Follow the girls as they go on an adventure through the colds of Skyrim.
1. DovahWHAT!

Prologue

'Snow...snow...oh look more snow' The thought went through the womans' mind as she trudged along in the blizzard. Kicking at the white specks of hate she only managed to cover herself in more snow as what was kicked up hit her square in the face. "AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cursing whatever deities were out there for her luck she continued her trek. Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse a loud ominous crack sounded below her feet. "You have got to be." With a loud splash she fell through the ice into the freezing waters below.

-Three hours later-

Clothes frozen stiff made it awkward for the woman to walk normal so she had to resort to waddling to the closest inn. Thankfully she had noticed the town when she finally broke free from her almost watery grave. Entering in the door she was immediately hit with a warm blast of air causing a sigh of relief. Slowly the ice melted from her clothes and fur, flicking her tail to remove some of the ice left on it she took a seat on one of the benches that lined the walls. A bar maid approached her to take her order but before the girl could even ask another figure sat across the table in front of the woman. "So we finally meet again." Glaring across at the newcomer the woman gave a sneer before whisper yelling. "WHY DID YOU CHOOSE ALL THE WAY OUT HERE?!"

"Well i wanted to see if you would even show for one, and for two we have a mission." The newcomer removed her hood to reveal strikingly red hair with black ends. Her smile, if you could even call it that, was predatory as she stared at the woman.

"Damn it Coyote I swear you do this just to spite me." The woman replied removing her head shawl showing off her silver white fur with black spots lining her ears.

A loud laugh came from the redhead, it took a minute before she could calm herself enough to answer the cat woman. "Oh Kitty how well you know me." Waving her hand at her friend she then ordered two mead as the two began to discuss the mission that was given to them.

"So you're telling me we have to find some random person just because some random old guy told you to!" Kittys' fur stood on end at the ridiculous mission that came out of Coyotes' mouth.

Shrugging Coyote picked at her nails. "It's a mission." Finally seeming satisfied enough with the cleanliness of them she turned her attention back to her friend. "What?"

Smoke was almost literally coming from Kittys' ears as she leapt over the table to strangle the woman sitting across from her. "I am gonna kill you this time!" Quickly dodging from the womans grip Coyote took off laughing out the door of the inn while reminding Kitty that they still had work to do.

End Prologue

AN- Coyote here don't worry I am not abandoning Mass effect I have just lost my muse and need to find her. -mumbles-'bitch stole my marbles too' Either way this has been rattling around in my brain for quite some time so without further ado GOODNIGHT WE LOVE YOU!

A/N Kitty here gotta love the cold weather.


	2. SwampWHAT!

Chapter 1

Wind.

Flying.

Falling...

The wind beneath her arms was not what she was expecting to feel until she remembered how she got into this predicament.

-Thirty minutes earlier-

"Oh shove off you overgrown salamander I am busy!" Pushing the snout of the large dragon away again as she tried to rummage through a chest before being knocked over again. A quick smack on the nose made said lizard jerk back and shake its head. Having enough of this 'being' at his perch he decided to just shout her off the mountain.

Which is where we left Coyote as she fell. "This is not going to end well." She muttered as the ground neared. As luck would have it halfway down the mountain her body was 'cushioned' by trees before she hit the ground and continued to roll down the rest of the way. Hitting the bottom she finally stopped rolling and laid there in a daze before noticing the face staring at her from above. "Uh... Hi?"

The older man above her smiled before helping the woman up. "You seem like an adventurer, yes. I think this will be good for you." He seemed to speak in riddles for a bit, not that she could understand a word he was saying, before turning back to her. "I have a mission if you are for hire." Nodding a bit for him to continue. "Are willing to take this mission? Yes, I think you will."

"Uh ok. I want to go on this mission." Coyote stared at the man the same way he stared back. There was something about him that she couldn't wrap her head around. "Give me the mission oh wise one." The smile that the old man gave Coyote unnerved her to no end.

-Sometime later-

"Thank the gods I found that courier it makes this so much easier." Coyote thought aloud as she walked down the path with her arms above her head. The Frozen Hearth, a quiet inn that rarely got any customers thanks to the cold and dragons, the perfect place for a meeting with her sister. They were siblings in all but blood, though the way they acted and if you were blind you would swear they were blood siblings. "I hope that couriers neck is okay I didn't mean to clothesline him that hard." Rubbing her face in exhaustion she entered the inn.

In the back corner sat a hooded figure that Coyote would recognize no matter how hard the woman tried to hide herself. Plopping down in front of the other woman she waited to be scolded about the cold with a smile on her face. After receiving the third degree because of snow and discussing the mission they decided to go their separate ways and meet up at Whiterun in a fortnight. Both wondered who would meet this so called dovahkiin first.

-Somewhere in the woods since Coyote has no sense of direction-

A loud squishing sound echoed through the woods as Coyote once again sunk into the swamplike landscape. "THOSE WERE MY BEST PAIR!" Ripping her boot out of the mud she lost her footing and landed in herself. "THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!" Cursing the gods for what seemed like the millionth time Coyote dragged herself out of the swamp and face planted on the road that was not even two feet from where she fell in. "You have got to be kidding me." Picking herself up she looked around noticing a town not far off on the water. "I finally found Whiterun." A sigh of relief passed through Coyotes body.

Walking up to the gate one of the guards screamed at her claiming she was a demon. "Oi Lady shut it. I'm not a swamp demon I just fell in the swamp back there." The other guard then decided to tell her there was some door tax she had to pay. At this point in time Coyote was not having it. "Tax eh? SHAKE DOWN! GUARDS ONE OF YOU IS TRYING TO SHAKE ME DOWN! RAPE! RAPE!"

Covering her mouth the guard decided to let her in finally just so the woman would go away before he found himself in the jail. He began muttering about how she was probably as crazy as the khajiit who paid for himself to be in jail. This of course sparked some curiosity in Coyote. As she entered the guard welcomed her to Riften. "Wait...WHAT NNNNOOOOOOO!" Falling to her knees Coyote wailed like a dying cat. Once again face planting into the ground she laid there for what seemed like hours as everyone stepped over her thinking she was probably just another skooma addict.

"You seem to be having a little bit of trouble lass."

"Not in the mood accent guy."

"Just trying to help out."

Picking her head up she glared at the man speaking to her. "Unless you can magically teleport me to Whiterun I don't think you can help me." Her glared continued till he finally sighed and walked off. Placing her face back down on the ground she remembered she wanted to meet this khajiit who could be as crazy as her. Jumping up she took off running to find the jail he was supposed to be at.

"You not supposed to be down here." The guard sitting by the door told her.

"Aren't you supposed to be out guarding sweetrolls? I'm here to pick up my partner in crime." Glaring at the guard Coyote put a hand on her hip before cocking it to the side.

She had never seen a guard jump up as quick as he did to unlock the door pleading with her the whole time to get her "Partner" out of there. What she forgot to realize was she was stiff covered in the now dry mud so the guard had no problem believing what she said. "That was easier then i thought." She muttered before grabbing the key the guard mentioned and heading to the cells. Coyote walked up to the cell door with the only khajiit in it only to hear him talking to a dragonfly in a jar. "Hey fluff butt come on we are leaving."

"What? No I must repent here." He answered her looking back at the dragonfly. "I killed my friend, I am a killer. I belong here."

"Look buddy I have had a long trip so either you get up or I drag you out." Seeing that he was ignoring her she huffed before grabbing his pet dragonfly and walking out.

Not to long after she left the nearly naked blue khajiit came running after her. "Fine you win I will follow."

Looking over at him she had to quickly avert her eyes as his loin cloth shifted with the wind. "Good. First things first though we need to find you some clothes."

"I do not understand." He looked down at himself and noticed his cloth fluttering. "Oh. I see." Coyote just about ran to the first stall she could see in the marketplace. She needed to get this guy clothed and then get on their way before she made herself any later or else she would get an earful from Kitty. Finding some simple armor for him, she made him get dressed. "My name is Inigo." He told her as he came back out. "You are a really good friend for giving me these clothes."

"I'm Coyote. Don't worry you will earn that armor before you know it." Mentally wincing thinking about her luck. The two proceeded out the gates and down the path. Hopefully they would make it to Whiterun before Kitty had a conniption fit.

End Chapter.

AN - Coyote here hope you guys enjoyed this one and yes my luck and sense of direction is horrible. I love having the Inigo mod and had to add him to the story. Kitty will be writing the next chapter as her side of the chapter. As always WE LOVE YOU GOODNIGHT!


	3. BunnyWHAT!

Kitty hadn't anticipated Coyote moving so fast when she decided to lunge at the strange womans throat. Hitting her face on the wood of the table with a loud smack, "I'm going to kill her..." She grumbled into the mahogany before lifting her face up and frowning. Sliding off the table since she was rather short for her race and it thus it made it harder to just hop back down from where she laid. Quickly dusting herself off as she headed out the door, she made quick work on grabbing a loaf of bread without the inn keeper noticing.

"Hmm, I might have the perfect scroll for this!" She exclaimed before reaching into her knapsack, mumbling as she read off her many scrolls. "Candlelight, Paralyze, Water breathing, Familiar, Flame Atronach, Frost Atronach... When did i get a Reanimate Corpse? Got to sell that... Ahem let's see.. Fire bolt, Blizzard. " She scoffed as she figured that wouldn't be of any use around this area, " Hysteria, Invisibility, Guardian Circle, Repel Undead, huh ... Glowing spider?.. Oh yes here it is!" She pulled out a rather odd scroll with what appeared to be writing only a five year old could read, there were some symbols of unknown origin, "Summon a horse! Never heard of that one til that ole mage in Dawnstar sold it to me!"

With a quick throw, the scroll evaporated into smoke and standing before her was a tall, majestic,... Dremora? Kitty stared at the Dremora before the being of the oblivion raised his sword at her. " YOU ARE NOT WORTHY TO SUMMON ME!" Kitty let out a scream as she ran down the road, "FUCK! DIVINES HELP ME!" She swore she could hear a string quartet as she ran through the snow, an angry bellow sounded behind her. She looked behind to see how close he was before she slipped and tumbled down the frozen mountain. Quickly she scrambled to stand before looking around noticing a dwemer entrance. "Nope!" Everywhere else was just mountains, rocks, and snow. "Well shit..." She managed to shove herself into a corner of sorts with only mountains and the entrance to dwemer hell around her. The khajiit quickly dove into the snow before digging around to make it look natural. She sat still since she could hear in the distance the shouting of the Dremora looking for her. "WEAKLING WHERE ARE YOU!" She held her breath and tried not to shiver as she was getting cold and wet from the snow. The strange being walked closer before turning around to a portal as he was summoned back to oblivion. Kitty just sighed and popped out of the snow muttering to herself as she got out of her hiding spot and pulled out the map.

"Fuckery fuck... Guess closest tavern is Windhelm and I'm not even allowed in.. but there is the carriage!" She purred at the thought of not having to walk to Whiterun, "This so called 'Dragonborn' was last seen here... It's twenty gold but worth resting my feet" She trudged towards a small path that went through the mountains.

\- Le Walk Skip -

"Why am I cursed to be frozen stiff every time?!" The khajiit just continued to rant on and on to herself as she waddled down the road to Windhelm, having to use her magika to set a couple of giant spiders on fire because they all should burn in oblivion. Kitty was rather tired and was relieved to see the carriage man waiting only to be struck with grief as this horned helmet fellow climbed on the carriage before it sped off, "Riften" was the only word she heard from the person as they rode away. Kitty's tail flicked as she went to the stables to wait for another carriage to arrive, trying to warm herself near the hay as she ignores the smell of horse. "Maybe a nap wont hurt?" She moved behind the hay to a little corner with the hope of not being found as she curled up to doze off.

It was the sound of hooves and the creaking of wood that woke the khajiit, she sat up and rubbed her eyes before looking over to see the carriage had come back and was now waiting for more travelers. "Now is my chance!" She rolled out of the hay before running over and waving to the man, "How much for a trip to Whiterun?" The cart driver looked over at her with an arched brow, most likely he was judging her since she was a 'cat' but it also didn't help that she had hay in her hair.

"Twenty gold" He had to quickly catch the pouch of gold before nodding, "Hop in the back and we'll get going." Kitty sighed in relief before climbing aboard. That took a few minutes since the feline was not one for climbing, being shorter then most of her race. It was a long and quiet ride to Whiterun, she ignored the comments and words from the cart driver. Kitty just idly leant against the edge of the carriage as they passed the mountains and snow of cold that turned into trees and grasslands of a warmer climate. "Glad to be out of the ice" She purred out before something of interest caught her hearing.

"- with all these stormcloaks and imperials, I'm surprised the roads are still quiet." She nodded in agreement before looking back over, on the edge of the road slightly hidden was a couple bodies that wore garments from both stormcloaks and imperials. "It would be great for it to be over soon..." She was about to look away before something caught her eye taking a double take since in the middle of this small group of dead soldiers was one rabbit that was just sitting there cleaning its ears. Kitty just stared with wide eyes and an open mouth as the carriage slowly moved along. 'Maybe the bunny just happened to be there? ... and it happened to have blood on its mouth...for no reason..' The khajiit lowered herself down so that only her eyes and ears were visible as they finished going passed the soldiers and rabbit. She looked over at the oblivious driver her mouth still agape as something went over them, looking up in the sky she saw... A DRAGON!? It just flew across the sky and didn't seem to notice nor care about the cart.

"I'm just going to nap, wake me up when we get there..." Kitty said with wide eyes as she grabbed the complimentary blanket and pulled it over herself, maybe this was all in her head and she was just losing her mind. "Oh great divines... please tell me I'm not becoming like Coyote..."

Author: -POOF- Kitty here! So yeah once again writing a page but i think i did rather decent this time! Btw this author note is before Coyote proof reads! Seems like the khajiit is having quite the day. Bye now! -POOF-

AN- Coyote here after proof reading and fixing what I hope were all the errors. Im going to go find my whiskey and regret ever telling Kitty to write from her characters point of view, I literally have a headache. As always WE LOVE YOU GOODNIGHT!


End file.
